One year, oh my gosh.. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since that
horribly painful beautiful day when Maddie was born. I’ve been finding myself reflecting a lot these days. Maybe it’s because it’s the new year, or maybe it’s because it’s been a year since our lives changed forever.
I wrote this about 11 months ago,
Warning- this might be totally boring to you, or too much information… If so, scroll down and see the photos of this little stinker
This entry is to help me remember the wonderful experience of the day we welcomed baby Maddie
Wow. I don’t really know where to start. I can’t believe that it has already been a month. One month since we welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world. One month since Brian and I became Parents, PARENTS!! This past month has flown by, it almost seems like a blur, a blur of amazing, emotional, sleep deprived, painful, bliss.
Here we go
Friday-I was feeling horrible, so horrible.
Saturday – I was feeling even worse. It felt like I had a bad case of food poisoning. After much debate, I called my Doctor., apologizing over and over for interrupting his Saturday morning with his family, I told him how I was feeling. He asked me if I was having contractions, I said, No. How the heck am I supposed to know what contractions feel like?? Side Note: I was totally having contractions. Brian was at a Graston course (Chiropractic Course) for the weekend, sans cell phone so our dear friends the Smid’s came over to take care of me (thanks again you three).
Sunday- I had told Brian that I was going to have the baby this weekend, and was starting to get discouraged (I know, I know, I was still only 38 weeks, but patience isn’t my forte). Sunday night I called the hospital, I said that I was experiencing some fluid leaking, and had been in pain all weekend. I was terrified about the thought of going into the hospital before I needed to, and being sent away. I didn’t want to be ‘that’ person, but the nurses said that they had already pulled my chart and wanted me to come in right away. I woke up Brian, he was exhausted after full time school all week, and then a conference all weekend, and even though I’m sure he thought I was crazy, he helped me pack a bag and drove us to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital, and I was wheeled up to the maternity ward (I felt like a total idiot, and was completely capable of walking, but they insisted). The nurses welcomed us with open arms, and I was brought to my room. She checked me, and went to test to see if the fuild was amniotic. I kept on visioning her coming back and saying ” false alarm, you were just peeing your pants all day”. The beautiful, caring nurse came back and said that I was staying, that it was my water!! We we staying! This was it!
I called my parents to let them know what was going on and my dad said ” We’re on our way”! Then we called Brian’s parents and they were on their way as well! I tried to get some shut eye, but I was on a high of excitement. I just kept picturing our little baby, I couldn’t believe she was coming so soon! Our parents, and my sister (Elise) arrived at the exact same time (they ended up driving beside each other on the highway) and I was so relieved to see everyone that we loved. It was so great that they were able to join in the excitement and celebration.
I was contracting (nothing painful), but at 9am I was given pitocin (oxytocin injection) to help speed up my contractions. This definitely helped my contractions progress, but I still wasn’t in pain. I was walking the hallways with my mom, doing squats, laughing, giggling and getting excited. I never realized that I would be so thankful that my mom was there. It meant so much to have her help me and encourage me.
Fast forward- 1PM Monday, Dr. Drake came in to check how I was progressing. He broke the remainder of my water, and BOOM ridiculously painful contractions began. It was amazing how fast the contractions came after my water was fully broken. And holy smokes, they aren’t joking about how painful childbirth is, little did I know what was coming! My sister, mom and Brian helped me through the contractions, massaging my back, and trying to distract me. I was so happy to have such a great support around me. Brian helped me while I went into the tub, and my contractions felt like they would never end. I remember telling him ” go tell the nurse I want and epidural now, it’s time”. I was surprisingly calm, but the pain was too intense. I don’t know how to explain what contractions feel like besides an outer body experience. You can feel this tidal wave of pain coming and you can’t do anything. It was 4PM, I had been experiencing natural labour for long enough.
The anesthesiologist came in, and I felt an instant sense of relief. She asked me if I had any questions, ”are you going to paralyze me” I asked, not caring at this point what her answer was, ” that’s not the plan” she said, and that was good enough for me. Stick that massive needle in back, anything to stop the waves of pain. I was given some kind of narcotic to help before the epidural kicked in and it was FABULOUS. I looked over at Brian and Elise laughing at my drugged out self, and I smiled, so happy to experience this with my loved ones.
The nurses kept saying that I should just wait, wait for the doctor to arrive he was on his way. I couldn’t hold this baby in any longer, she was coming whether the doctor was here or not. I didn’t care if the nurses delivered the baby, if Brian delivered her, if that pizza delivery guy who brought us those 2 large’s last week caught her..
The months before delivery, I would turn to Brian and say ” I’m going to rock this, I’m going to rock this delivery” we would then high five and get pumped up to meet this little one.
I was not rocking it. It was hard. It was terrible. It was the worst pain I could have ever imagined.. I was not turning to Brian to high five.. I remember thinking of my friends who have had babies and assured me that once the epidural kicked in, I wouldn’t feel anything. They were lying, or something was wrong. At that point, I was cursing their names. When would the tidal waves of pain stop? The nurses explained that first time moms usually take around 3 hours to push. Excuse me? 3 hours.. Was that joke?
I considered the 3 hour mark a challenge. This was my chance, this what my chance to show my strength, to so called “rock this” like we had been planning all along. I said we were going to meet her by 8PM, it was 7:15PM at that point. That gave me 45 minutes to use all my strength. I chose to have a mirror, it was so encouraging to see my progress, I was in so my pain, but I could see that there would be light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. With all my strength, and the endorphines pumping through my body, I somehow managed to birth this beautiful tiny baby. Finally, she was out, I looked at the clock 8:03pm.. The relief that I felt was instant. I looked at Brian, with tears welling up in his eyes, it made it all worth it. All the pain, just to see Brians face. And then.. Oh ya, a baby.. We had a baby. They laid her on my chest, she peed almost instantly, we all started to laugh. I kept asking how much she weighed, but the nurses said that didn’t matter, what mattered was holding this precious human. She latched on and started to nurse, we cuddled, finally on the outside, instead of the inside. Then, it was time to stitch me up, apparently my epidural didn’t work properly, they finally realized that when they started to stich, and I yelled in pain. My doctor told me to tell people I did it all naturally, but I would feel like a fraud if I said that.
It’s hard to describe the rush you get after childbirth, but I was up for days with 1-2 hour stretches of sleep. I’ve had a very painful recovery so far, so much swelling and discomfort. I was taking Vicodin every chance I could, but I was so worried that M was being drugged, I just couldn’t stop crying in pain unless I had drugs. I couldn’t sit, or walk, just lay there with a donut under my bum, running the bath just so I could pee without being in excruciating pain. That first two weeks, I felt so sad, but happy at the same time, crying for hours without knowing why. But it was all worth it, it was all worth being able to hold my precious baby girl.
Madeleine Sophia Cervo
Born- January 23rd 2012 at 8:03PM
Weight- 6 Pounds 12 Ounces
Things I didn’t know
It was possible to love someone so much
It was possible to function on so little sleep
How horribly painful childbirth is
How horribly painful recovery can be
How much newborns eat
How much you can love those tiny little noises and squeaks
How much more you can love your spouse
How wonderful nurses are
Now, for the photos
On our way
Lots of thumbs up.. seemed to help
My mom, looking at my with concern and so much love
I love this photo, even though I look like I’ve just given birth
“Where’s my placenta.. I want to see that magical thing… Take a picture of it”
6 Pounds 12 ounces of perfect
And our little family of three
Looking back on this journal entry I feel so emotional, the journey of motherhood, birth, parenting, marriage, it’s all almost overwhelming. This year has been such a whirlwind, it has been the most challenging and rewarding year of my life, and I would do it all again in an instant.
So with that, happy birthday little girl. I love you more than words could ever say.